Changing relationships: with your kid

So your kid is off, or about to go off into the world! Whether they go off to college, to independent living, or adulthood in general when they fly off and stretch their wings, your relationship will change. It’s not necessarily good or bad, just different.

There are few different ways to approach this natural evolution of a cherished relationship. The tact I used with my now flown bird was that we talked about it.

A lot.

Long before he left.

I realized that part of my fear was that I wouldn’t be needed anymore. I had a hard time picturing the next phase of our relationship. I’ll always be his mama of course, but now a mom to a young adult. One that is no longer living under my roof. One that will make tons of decision 3000 miles away from me.

My fear was that he wouldn’t come to me. That I was played out.

That’s not the case! My oldest flew off and left the nest two and a half years ago and we are tight. Phew!

But it didn’t happen by chance or dumb luck. Over many conversations, and some (continuous) trial and error, we co-created a new version of our relationship. We examined how we wanted to relate to each other as adults. I was given a new role. We played around with ‘Consultant’, “Mentor’, ‘Advisor’, and, of course ‘Coach’ : )

A new role with a new job description. There are parts of the old role I miss and I have been grieving them, I’m also cherishing this new role.

I had to learn to hold on while letting go.